Be Where My Feet Are

I have taken a long hiatus from writing and have been feeling the quivering in my gut signaling the time to renew my commitment to my blog, and reconnect with those of you who have asked me to continue writing.

Since my return to the states in August, I have led a vagabond life, feeling much of the time like a wandering and homeless soul. I have spent a few months with my sister Mary in Boca Raton, a few months in Woodstock in 3 different apartments (long story) and returned to Africa twice for 4 weeks at a time to travel and dismantle my life there.

Living out of suitcases and boxes, packing and repacking boxes and hauling stuff in and out of storage has become a way of life for me, and though not thrilled about it, I continue to desire and prioritize the freedom that transient lifestyle grants me.

The devastating loss of my dear Zoey in November lingers and I miss her every day. I truly believe she knew and sensed my longing to return to Africa and she has given me that freedom by passing on. I also am living daily with the guilt and angst of knowing that I probably caused her pain and suffering that irreparably damaged her heart and spirit with my absence. I continue to breathe into and work through that.

Happily, I have reapplied and been accepted to return to Africa and serve again as a nurse educator in the same program, Global Health Service Partnership within Peace Corps. My desire to experience a different culture activated my request to serve in a different country this time around. My placement is in Manzini, Swaziland at South African Nazarene University.

All was sailing along smoothly with the security and medical clearance (with the exception of 30 days of lost passport and fingerprints via USPS) until a few weeks ago when they announced that our program was on hold until the finances had been cleared and deposited. WHAT????

Yes, 4 weeks ago we were told, Well just hang on! We will let you know if this program will all happen or not in about 6 weeks time. Really? We are supposed to begin training in DC on July 17^th and depart for Africa on the 27^th! We have quit jobs, rented our homes out, put stuff in storage, sold vehicles, planned family reunions in anticipation of a one year absence!

Putting life on hold for 6 weeks is challenging, gut wrenching, stressful, demoralizing, and scary. Most days I am able to roll with it. I show up for work at the hospital and benefit from the endorphins circulating after a long run. And oh, savoring spring in Vermont; the most colorful and vibrant I can remember, but also the most chilly and gray.

Fortunately I am a month to month tenant, work a per diem job, and have no other commitments, except that I also recently applied to graduate school, another bee in my bonnet.

And then into the midst of this tornado walks John provoking even more mystery, distraction, elation, choices, and conflicting emotions. Read McDreamy, long distance, my prince. Really? Now?

All of this mandates that I be in the moment, every breath, where my feet are, right here, right now. No projections, no dreaming, no pretending. The most beautiful part of this journey is my ability to walk in with an open heart, fiercely committed to living my dream, my passion, my vision for what I believe my soul s purpose to be. I feel the Universe supporting me and loving me through this.

More will be revealed .I am grateful today for all that I have, all that I am.

 

Namaste