Today I feel like a 3 year old. Everything is completely out of my control and I want to just throw myself on the floor and kick and scream. Actually, I wanted to hurl a glass at the concrete wall during lunch.
Now, that said, it has been a challenging 24 hours. I swore off candy last October in order to lose some weight and ease the battle I continually fight with unstable blood sugar. Found I just can t eat ¼ or even ½ the bag/bar. Have to eat the whole thing. It has been a wonderful experience for my body and I have generally experienced very stable blood sugars, unless I gorge myself occasionally on my fav treat, frozen yogurt with candy on top (read anything chocolate)
Out of boredom and lust, I picked up a caramel candy in class yesterday afternoon and promptly pulled off a crown. ARGGGGHH! Luckily I didn t damage or swallow it, placed it carefully back over the tooth, and continued my day, pain free, eating soft foods and chewing gingerly. Peace Corps was able to arrange a dental appointment for me at 0830 this morning and I was promptly greeted by the driver at 0800 to deliver me to the dentist.
Very grateful .However, turns out I did not see the PC dentist but the one covering for him. Long story short, my crown is now cemented on incorrectly causing scraping and uneven chewing/biting that is annoying and irritating. Perfection, ah, another opportunity to let go Dr Stone, where are you! My highly skilled dentist from home with a luxurious zen-like office.
I just wanted to zone out, scream, feel sorry for myself. So irritable and crabby today
We then visited a local district hospital. It was exhausting just touring the place. They deliver 20,000 babies/year. That is a whopping number of births. They also have a huge HIV clinic, inpatient TB ward, pediatric, NICU (that s a relative term) and ortho (also relative) Their catchment area is over 1 million people and they have 1 xray machine, no CT, and the xray has been down for a while . Additionally Malawi has only one MRI for the entire country! Patients and family members sleep on the concrete floor (read dusty and dirty) as there aren t enough beds, and there are often 16-20 people plus their guardian/caregivers in a 20×20 room. Needless to say, it was depressing, sad, and a bit overwhelming.
My tooth is aching a bit and when I returned to my room for a little quiet time, the internet was down. Frantic to pay Carrie s last tuition bill before it is overdue, I was almost writhing with anxiety! I am still paying bills from home that are rolling in, and I have some outstanding correspondence looming over my head which I wanted to get done. No chance, more irritability and frustration.
However, as I write this I am again reminded of how petty and insignificant my problems are compared to those faced by Malawians daily. Today I observed 2 young girls, perhaps 7 and 8, walking with their mom, a baby strapped on her back. The girls had no shoes on, were walking in the dust on rocky â€˜sidewalk and were clearly limping and not feeling well. Their clothes were filthy and the older one was carrying a very large bundle on her head. And I m complaining about my tooth and the internet?
Off to language class and then to a new restaurant for dinner! Italian, yum. I think I will focus on the best conditions available to me, not what is going wrong.My emotions are all over the place. I am looking forward to moving into my house and settling August 12th