Today I feel like a 3 year old. Everything is completely out of my control and I want to just throw myself on the floor and kick and scream. Actually, I wanted to hurl a glass at the concrete wall during lunch.
Now, that said, it has been a challenging 24 hours. I swore off candy last October in order to lose some weight and ease the battle I continually fight with unstable blood sugar. Found I just can t eat ¼ or even ½ the bag/bar. Have to eat the whole thing. It has been a wonderful experience for my body and I have generally experienced very stable blood sugars, unless I gorge myself occasionally on my fav treat, frozen yogurt with candy on top (read anything chocolate)
Out of boredom and lust, I picked up a caramel candy in class yesterday afternoon and promptly pulled off a crown. ARGGGGHH! Luckily I didn t damage or swallow it, placed it carefully back over the tooth, and continued my day, pain free, eating soft foods and chewing gingerly. Peace Corps was able to arrange a dental appointment for me at 0830 this morning and I was promptly greeted by the driver at 0800 to deliver me to the dentist.
Very grateful .However, turns out I did not see the PC dentist but the one covering for him. Long story short, my crown is now cemented on incorrectly causing scraping and uneven chewing/biting that is annoying and irritating. Perfection, ah, another opportunity to let go Dr Stone, where are you! My highly skilled dentist from home with a luxurious zen-like office.
I just wanted to zone out, scream, feel sorry for myself. So irritable and crabby today
We then visited a local district hospital. It was exhausting just touring the place. They deliver 20,000 babies/year. That is a whopping number of births. They also have a huge HIV clinic, inpatient TB ward, pediatric, NICU (that s a relative term) and ortho (also relative) Their catchment area is over 1 million people and they have 1 xray machine, no CT, and the xray has been down for a while . Additionally Malawi has only one MRI for the entire country! Patients and family members sleep on the concrete floor (read dusty and dirty) as there aren t enough beds, and there are often 16-20 people plus their guardian/caregivers in a 20×20 room. Needless to say, it was depressing, sad, and a bit overwhelming.
My tooth is aching a bit and when I returned to my room for a little quiet time, the internet was down. Frantic to pay Carrie s last tuition bill before it is overdue, I was almost writhing with anxiety! I am still paying bills from home that are rolling in, and I have some outstanding correspondence looming over my head which I wanted to get done. No chance, more irritability and frustration.
However, as I write this I am again reminded of how petty and insignificant my problems are compared to those faced by Malawians daily. Today I observed 2 young girls, perhaps 7 and 8, walking with their mom, a baby strapped on her back. The girls had no shoes on, were walking in the dust on rocky ‘sidewalk and were clearly limping and not feeling well. Their clothes were filthy and the older one was carrying a very large bundle on her head. And I m complaining about my tooth and the internet?
Off to language class and then to a new restaurant for dinner! Italian, yum. I think I will focus on the best conditions available to me, not what is going wrong.My emotions are all over the place. I am looking forward to moving into my house and settling August 12th
Yikes
As I read, the word “redemption” comes up as I finish your expression of frustration and childhood. First being 3 again, even for a moment, is something we all know about. But to recognize it is another thing. As I read the part of the children walking with their mother that is where redemption jumped in. It seemed that you were looking through another younger Mindy’s eyes. You seem to see the best in life even when you see the hard life around you. The human spirit is alive and well in you. Keep writing the picture you are seeing. It is inspiring to me and others. It helps my spirit. As I set lobbing visits to my representatives fear wades its way in. Those tapes of years of feeling helpless/hopeless in our politics need to change. I feel your spirit and it grounds me. Peace cousin. I feel lucky to have reconnected with you.
I am reading every word and with you in spirit through all the ups and downs . What a journey you are on. When it’s rough, just remember it will pass.
You are an inspiration!
Hugs,
Robin